Blood and Antics

In the past six months.....

2011-01-04T21:12:00.003-03:30

Apartment flooded.
Villa short-circuited.
Flew to London.
Hesitant Cabbie.
Tube.
Pearl Jam.
Anna Robinson.
Aoife O'Beirn.
England played terribly against Germany.
Bishop's Finger.
London Eye.
Dirty Plane to Edinburgh.
Uncle Rod.
Aunt Maureen.
Old City.
Sarah and I get irritated.
Fast Car.
Faster Car.
Eat Breakfast in Heathrow with Jennifer and Dave.
Paul in a ridiculous outfit.
6 hours short for E.I.
Corner Brook.
Cooper.
Mazda 3 Sport.
The Seventh.
Camping Around Twillingate.
Lee Stroud showing how he fights.
One Man's Loss is Another's Gain
Move to St. John's.
New SNL.
Went to work still drunk.
Move to Placentia.
PS3 breaks.
Turned 30.
Surprise Party.
Ipod Touch.
Wicked Wife.
Bought Xmas off the Internet.
Attempted Fertilization.
Apple TV From Chris
Boxing Day Near-Miss.
2nd Xmas With Separated Parents.
New TV
Call For School.
1 Firework For New Year's.
We Both Get Sick.
I Get The Worst Of It.

On Lady Gaga...

2010-06-21T00:34:00.002-02:30

Me:"...and that's ALL she was wearing."
Sarah: "You can't care about what Lady Gaga is wearing. It's like that boy in your class that plays with himself. You just gotta look away and say 'they can't help it'".

E.Coli

2010-05-22T03:27:00.003-02:30

Me (Talking about recent death): and the guy that invented the ATM died last week.
Sarah: Ass to Mouth?
Me (chock full of sarcasm) Yes. The guy who invented Ass to Mouth died last week.

pwned

2010-04-11T03:10:00.003-02:30

My wife talks to Google. They don't get along. I guess she doesn't like it when someone is constantly picking out her mistakes.
Sarah : {tap, tap, tap, click} *sigh* "I know I spelt it wrong, you don't need to tell me. My finger slipped."

I like to call her Clyde

2010-03-28T08:30:00.002-02:30

Claire emerges from the hallway and flops herself down on the loveseat. She looks at me and says:
"I like your bathroom because I look at a picture of Paul Warford while I'm taking a shit"

2010-03-20T04:05:00.002-02:30

My obsession with pinball has started to worry me. I had a dream last night that a place opened near where I live that had all kinds of pinball machines and it was a truly wonderful dream.
I have started searching kijiji for pinball machines in Atlantic Canada.

Context

2010-03-12T14:26:00.003-03:30

Sarah: "I have a black man inside of me.
Me: "A black man inside of you???"
Sarah (Smiling): "A big, fat, hairy black man inside of me."

Rebuttal...

2010-03-08T13:01:00.003-03:30

Heard from across the room (Presumably when Sarah read the previous post)

(In a really high pitch, squealing voice)
"Peter!!! I can't believe you wrote that!!! I didn't mean it like that"

It kinda made it funny all over again.

On voyeurism....

2010-03-08T12:42:00.003-03:30

Me: "We had sex with the drapes open."
Sarah: "Yeah, but it was all the way in there."
Me: "But those Asian people got funny cameras"
Sarah: "They got funny eyes!"

1.. 2.. 1 2 3 4

2010-02-16T13:29:00.003-03:30

My wife just told me that she has never heard this song...

Weekend not updated

2010-01-26T12:23:00.005-03:30

NBC is hurting. They are cutting corners everywhere they can. Saturday Night Live is not exempt.

Here is Keenan Thompson doing a Bill Cosby impression in the fall of 2009.

Here is a shot from October 1995

I wonder how many other people have worn this?

Holy Matrimony!

2010-01-24T08:08:00.002-03:30

They are getting married....

Rediculous request

2010-01-16T03:48:00.001-03:30

Help me find out the name of this song!!

In my dream last night

2010-01-16T01:40:00.001-03:30

Sarah: I've got an idea!!
Me: Yeah?
Sarah: A great big idea!.. A great big figure skating idea!!!

Gold... Pure Gold

2010-01-05T13:56:00.005-03:30

Anyone remember this show? I have been looking for this for years. Then I forgot about it and got married. I just remembered it again over Christmas.

Spoken over dinner...

2010-01-05T13:48:00.003-03:30

Sarah: "I know this is skeety, but, when I get off the plane in Newfoundland this Summer, all I want is Don Cherry's nachos and a big ol' bag of weed."

That's 2009...

2010-01-01T15:55:00.002-03:30

Rock the Block

2010-01-01T02:19:00.004-03:30

I am making some electronic songs. Most people will hate them. I am using samples from this song.

Some people shouldn't have anything to do with music. Like Shane here....

Just Awsome indeed.

An Early Christmas Present From Me to You

2009-12-21T04:58:00.003-03:30

Whiteblack

edit: I removed the flash file from the blog for obvious reasons.

2009-12-10T04:28:00.002-03:30

I woke up in the middle of last night and was immediately convinced that the pillow I was sleeping on was going to kill me, or at least make me wake up with hangover-like symptoms.

How to get banned from SNL (Part 3)

2009-11-17T06:47:00.001-03:30

Rip up a picture of the pope.

Sinead O'Connor - War - WalKnDude - www.planetnetopia.com @ Yahoo! Video

Dr. Love doesn't lie

2009-11-13T12:16:00.002-03:30

Paul Warford

Andrew Butler

Kirk Bussey

Robert Shandera

Sarah Turpin

2009-11-13T02:52:00.002-03:30

I have been watching tv in Doha for over a month. I just realized that they use swear words in movie commercials.

How to get banned from SNL (Part 2)

2009-11-01T06:38:00.000-03:30

Smoke weed on-air.

I can't remember when this happened. Probably in the mid 90s. That's when Cypress Hill was popular. They got up to do their second song and one of the guys that doesn't have the squeaky voice blew up a joint at the beginning of the song. Instant ban.

That's how ya doooo it

2009-10-27T11:27:00.003-02:30

Sometimes things are slightly easier in Doha. Sure, twist off is easy. This doesn't put dents on the skin on your hands.

Google is like the top 40 of people

2009-10-27T03:33:00.002-02:30

Congratulations Paul!

How to get banned from Saturday Night Live (Part 1)

2009-10-22T08:17:00.006-02:30

Say "Fuck" (in the 80s)

Probably the only memorable part of the 1980-81 Season, Charles Rocket got his mediocre ass fired for saying "fuck" on the air during the "goodnights" at the end of the show. Some chick from Dallas was the host. He had been "shot" during an earlier sketch and this was a continuation of it. Eddie Murphy had a deadly reaction. Eddie was like, 18 or 19 when he was on the show.

Not only did Charlie get fired, so did the producer

Edit: I placed "in the 80s" in brackets because you don't get banned for it anymore.

Norm MacDonald in the 90s:

Jenny Slate did it in this season's premiere:

For Sarah....

2009-10-07T22:56:00.001-02:30

I'm in Halifax Airport. I am an hour and fifteen minutes away from leaving Canada. I am trying to get all my farts out now. It's a long plane ride.

That shit is ball-ah

2009-09-27T15:39:00.003-02:30

I saw this car in Bay Roberts today.

The Drug lords are everywhere.

My eyes will never burn the same....

2009-09-25T04:38:00.003-02:30

The TV is gone. Sold off to people who have a nicer, more suited stand to place it on.
The living room looks empty now. No big black rectangle to hog the attention of the room. No strings of wires connecting the towers in each corner. No towers in the corner. She's gone. There will be another one, but she will always be the first....

Memories...

Condimentality

2009-09-23T10:11:00.000-02:30

It's official. Everything is on the internet.

Even better than the real thing

2009-09-22T11:40:00.001-02:30

Check out around the 1:00 mark when he throws the shitty chopper

Return to innocence.

2009-09-22T11:37:00.001-02:30

My favorite part begins at 1:30. Especially when he plays the keyboard.

Happy Birthday Sarah!

2009-09-19T01:11:00.001-02:30

From 3:55 onward is for you. I picked it cause you would like it.

Drink beer

2009-09-16T20:30:00.002-02:30

How many of the things in this commercial would you do/are allowed to do when you are on the Beer?

Lobster Boil.
And then, the ranger would probably come by and bust 'em for having an open fire on a public beach. And the beach is probably some kind of rare bird sanctuary and the fire is on a nest of rare bird eggs. Going to jail and all the hippies in the world hate you.
Now those suckers wish they were half cockeyed, going down a hill made of sand on skis.

I'm not supposed to say anything but...

2009-09-14T22:08:00.001-02:30

I'm working in a hospital. Again
Today I had to work in the morgue. There were dead bodies in one, refrigerated room. For most of the afternoon, I worked in the morgue by myself. Right over the stainless steel table that they do the autopsies on. On the wall, next that table, was a plaque that had "The autopsy Oath" on it. In fewer words, it said "Don't tell anyone about the shit that happens in here, no matter how fucked up it looked"
I can only imagine being there for an autopsy and having the doctor saying "Jesus, this one liked nachos. Hey! Don't tell anyone I said that!"
I worked in other morgues before.

We got kicked out of the morgue in Grand Falls because they had to do an autopsy on someone and they don't like doing autopsies when there is concrete dust in the air.

They keep the Christmas decorations in the morgue in Baie Verte.

This is alright

Anywhere is home when I'm with you....

2009-09-05T16:26:00.003-02:30

This song could not be more perfect. I just wish my coffeebean was here when I discovered it.

Edit: I found this version. I like this better.

International airborne event

2009-09-01T22:49:00.003-02:30

This song reminds me of driving with Sarah. In the Jetta. In the snow. We'll never drive in that car together again. At least I hope not. It's for sale. $14500. Tell your money makin friends.
The first couple of verses make me fill up. I miss my wife.

Doc's Doin it

2009-08-03T20:26:00.002-02:30

It's confirmed.

I will become legally monogamous on Thursday, August 6th.

This is deadly. I love her.

Monogamy has never been so attractive

I work with this guy......

2009-08-01T10:37:00.002-02:30

This is for all you pedophiles out there. Don't watch the videos too many times or the FBI will come to your house, bow-cabin, cardboard box or whereever you live.

opposite

2009-08-01T10:36:00.003-02:30

It seems that I was having deja-vu when I wrote the last post. I thought I had written a post about getting engaged or married and telling you guys not to tell nana Byrne. I never write on this thing anymore....

2009-08-01T10:34:00.000-02:30

I'm getting married.

Again, don't tell nana Byrne.

This is why I need a reminding book.

2009-07-30T20:28:00.005-02:30

It seems the video became restricted. I can watch it. Rachel can probably watch it. No Canadians though.

I'm engaged.

I should have told you all about this by now, although I told most of you through other means.

When we get married, her blog will become the dominant blog and mine will be forced to either submit and roll over, or change into something different. SNL blog? I hope. I have a lot to say about this. I have even more to show. Youtube has already pissed on that fire. I can only upload shitty little clips on blogger and even then I am not sure it will work. I do have quite the collection. Ask Turpin.

My Dad's the mayor, OH YEAH!!!

2009-07-30T10:21:00.004-02:30

This is my new saying. I can share it if you like....

This is the video. I imagine Youtube is going to take it down soon.

For Turpin

2009-07-09T11:19:00.001-02:30

For Butler

2009-07-09T11:18:00.000-02:30

For Warford

2009-07-09T11:17:00.001-02:30

Passing the torch...

2009-07-05T20:17:00.004-02:30

Paul Warford is no longer the Screech look-a-like in his family...

If Colin had facebook, I would upload this and tag him.

I don't have cable. Sour grapes?

2009-07-05T10:43:00.003-02:30

I think that stations like tsn, sportsnet, espn and all that shit is unnecessary. I don't think player salaries would be so high of these stations were not around. These stations make celebrities out of average professional athletes. Do you think people would care so much about Sean Avery if TSN didn't show his waving his hockey stick in front of Martin Brodeur a million times? They get so much time in the spotlight that they think they deserve a superstar's salary. In 1990, There were probably 10 players in the NHL that were making a million dollars a year and those players had last names like Roy, Lemieux, and Gretzky. I don't even think Ray Bourque made money like that.
This is what happens when you have to much of a bad thing....

Just call me Jean Parmesan....

2009-06-18T23:44:00.000-02:30

Peter Russell is a common name
peterrussell.com - taken
peterrussell.net - taken
peterrussell.ca - taken
peterrussell.co.uk - AVAILABLE!!!... for the low price of £5875 (about $10835.19)

This works out to my advantage because it makes me hard to track down on the internet. I am virtually untraceable on google.

Now, I am going to try to find my close friends:

Sarah Turpin:
I found her MSN profile on the first page.
I found this photo on the first page:
The first Sarah Turpin that came up was this one:

Paul Warford:
Really Hard to find.
Unless you knew other people he has had dealings with, you wouldn't know that this was the Paul Warford you were looking for.
Page 10 had Pike's Blog listed.
paulwarford.com is NOT taken
Didn't find pictures of Paul.
Found lots of pics of this guy:

Andrew Butler:
Untraceable. Unsurprised.
I found this though....
Robert Shandera:
Found him on the first page. Classmates.com
There is a Dr. Robert Shandera. This makes sense. I would rather call Robert than go to an emergency room. Many of my friends would do the same. Dr. Robert Shandera is a dentist, though.
Found Robert's old phone number (364-2707) on page 4
found this picture:

Kirk Bussey
9 of the first 10 results were Bussey.
A lot of them had to do with a burger stand that he set up with his brother. Paul wasn't sure when the burgers were supposed to be ready.
Two of them had to do with his teaching internship.
There was a picture. You would never tell it was him (or his brother)
This picture was found:
This page, however, was one of the image results...
Andrew Pike:
This guy had to be the easiest to find. Mostly because he has a a website called www.andrewpike.org
In fact, EVERYONE I searched for had one result that was Andrew Pike's blog. Heck, one of the images that came up when I searched for Robert Shandera was the cover of Pike's book.
Then there was this video...

the talent.....

I almost went off the road when I heard this......

2009-06-13T09:17:00.001-02:30

This is Cooter Music?????

2009-06-01T20:09:00.001-02:30

Who Remembers this?

2009-05-25T15:57:00.002-02:30

I LOVE Sarah Turpin. I'm nuts about her. She knows what I am going to say next (most times)

Alien Barf Bag.

She didn't know that was coming.

2009-05-20T19:14:00.002-02:30

We drove by a sign on the side of the road the other day. It read:

"First Choice Hair Cutters. Celebrating 20 years in NL. Can you believe it?"

Of course I can believe it. People have been walking around with shitty haircuts for at least 20 years.

Most of you won't care about this.

2009-05-02T08:37:00.003-02:30

Last night I was drunk. Turpin got drunk too. Robert, Warford and Butler came by and drank beer too. The tail-end of the night is hazy. Because I was loaded. I fell asleep on the floor at some point, then woke up and went to the store and bought more beer. Because I was loaded.
I can think of at least two occasions last night where the conversation turned to Terry Ryan. Each time, the dialogue ended with one us saying that he was an asshole of a piece of shit.
I looked him up this morning. On the Internet. Then I looked into people that were drafted after him that same year. Because he was a bust. He was a 1st round pick and played only 8 games in the NHL and never got a single point. Here are some people Montreal could have picked instead:

Kyle McLaren
JEROME IGINLA!!
J.S Giguere
Martin Biron
Petr Sykora
Marc Savard
Miikka Kiprusoff

I guess you can't blame them for passing on the goalies. They still had Patrick Roy at that point.

*End of Sports Rant*

Bert and Ernie

2009-04-26T14:15:00.000-02:30

Sunday Morning.

2009-04-26T12:57:00.001-02:30

I can wear Turpin's jeans. They fit nice. My ass looks great in them....

I learned the best swearwords watching Super Battletank (and that time Frisky shit in his shoe).

2009-04-19T19:10:00.007-02:30

Yesterday was Ray Shandera's Birthday. I'm sure there wasn't a hoopla. That's not his style. His style is in the family room. On the sofa. On the floor. Blowing something up or watching something blow up. I like to be around him when a World War 2-era video game is being played because he can look at it for about 15 seconds and then tell you if it was historically accurate and, if it wasn't, get you an hour-by-hour report on what actually happened (Complete with army-like hand gestures).
He likes war things. He likes video games. I think the latter is obvious because of the former. (Although, I have met quite a few "War buffs" who wouldn't be able to tell me how to get past the "Prison Break" mission on SOCOM: Navy Seals.)
The picture above was taken 30 years ago yesterday. I stole it from Lori's Facebook.
I then fucked with it a bit. For fun. I'm shit at photoshop.

2009-04-04T07:42:00.001-02:30

Old wrestling was fun to watch....

Part 1

2009-04-02T23:16:00.002-02:30

Turpin and I did a mini pub-crawl on the way home this evening... i'm still drunk from it. Two drunk guys were at Erin's pub. They were talking. This is what one of them said when we fell silent for a moment..

"You can throw a helmet on me!!! Gimmie the chainsaw! Buddy, here we go!"

Wha-What?

2009-04-01T17:02:00.002-02:30

Nas and The Game are playing at the stadium in Torbay. That's fucking ridiculous.

There was an ass.....

2009-03-29T22:55:00.003-02:30

It was only a matter of time. I have been pressured and bullied for "too much of a long time" to get this online somehow. Here it is. Everyone on it should be embarrassed.

Talking about a hike...

2009-03-28T08:52:00.003-02:30

Sarah: There's a rope you have to climb up, at some point. I don't even know if we could find it.

Peter: I don't think I can climb the rope anyways.

Sarah: Sure you can. You can pull yourself into an air duct!

Peter: I hurt my elbow. I don't think I can do that now.

Sarah: Well, change your facebook status!!! We are through!

*bbbbluluuurrrrrpppppp*

Sarah: This is what is sounds like when two people zrrbt you! ...At the same time.
*bbbbllurrrrrpppp*

Vipond or vomit?

2009-03-23T11:08:00.002-02:30

I set myself up. She warned me.

We are at the hospital and Sarah is getting bloodwork. I can see the doctor doing it. Sarah is looking right at the needle. That grosses me out. I can't look at the needle.

Anyways. Later. We are in the waiting room and Sarah says "wanna hear the story about my bloodwork? No you don't. You don't like that kind of thing".
I say I do. I know the difference but I felt like squirming this morning.
She starts to tell me the story. I start feeling queezy. Then, a woman in the waiting room starts urging and barfing. I missed work for this, and I think I made the right decision.

oh. oh-oh, oh. oh. oh-oh,oh.

2009-03-22T13:43:00.000-02:30

My opinion of Lady Gaa Gaa just changed....

But I got a little problem with you not fucking me....

2009-03-20T17:49:00.001-02:30

I forgot about this song until just then.

Sigh

2009-03-19T22:17:00.002-02:30

All that work and the Flash thing is still there. I don't want to delete it though.

Recently confirmed fact....

2009-03-19T20:49:00.002-02:30

I can fit Sarah Turpin's closed fist into my mouth.

Sarah said I had to wash my hands after touching the cat....

2009-03-19T18:24:00.003-02:30

While I was peeing, I decided to make a list of the shittiest (or my least favorite) cover songs. It should go along with this list that I made a few months ago.

Johnny Cash - "One" / Original by U2

This was the inspiration of my list. This was a real tearjerker in its original incarnation. There really was no need to redo it. The Johnny Cash "growl" didn't really fit the song.

Toad the Wet Sprocket - Rock and Roll All Nite / Original by Kiss

This appeared on the Kiss Tribute album "Kiss My Ass". It took the life out of the song by turning it into a sticky-sweet ballad. Gene Simmonds said in an interview that when they were compiling this tribute, they went for songs that sounded different from the Kiss originals. I think he should have went for something that sounded "good" rather than "different". This song could be performed by anybody in any number of styles and it still would sound shitty. It has to be played live. Kiss knows that better than anyone. Their studio version of the song is fucking lame.
*Sidenote*: On the same album, Lenny Kravitz does a version of "Deuce" that is one of my favorites, as is "Detroit Rock City" by the Mighty Might Bosstones which made my favorite covers list.

Me First and the Gimme Gimme's - Somewhere Over the Rainbow / Original by Judy Garland

This just wasn't necessary and seemed thrown together.

William Shatner - Rocket Man / Original by Elton John
What would this list be without an appearance form Captain Kirk.

Sheryl Crow - Sweet Child o' Mine / Original By Guns n' Roses
Take the reason why I put "One" up here and do a vice-versea on it. Too soft

*Youtube doesn't have Sheryl Crow singing her bullshit.... I don't blame them*

Madonna - American Pie / Original by Don McLean
No need for this. The original was boring. It didn't need to sound shitty too.

That's it for now. More will come to me in the next couple of days, I'm sure....

Submission

2009-03-19T18:17:00.003-02:30

I have decided to post the video I said I wasn't going to post. The reason for doing this is to bury the flash cartoon thingie in this post.

Sarah Turpin doesn't find humor in fart noises/jokes.

So Vain.

2009-03-16T17:49:00.002-02:30

I had planned on placing a video of the st. paddy's day shinannigans on my blog but after uploading it and doing little, cool youtube-thingies with it, Turpin posted it on her blog before I got the chance. Since most of you read her blog, you've already seen it. Now I have nothing to poat about... here's my replacement...

Reggie's not number 1 no more.....

2009-03-15T10:26:00.002-02:30

Today is Dave's birthday. We lived together. Below Peg and Joe. Peg doesn't understand jokes. Yet, she retells them anyways.
It went something like this....

Frazer is....

2009-03-07T16:33:00.003-03:30

It's Saturday and we are goin' drinkin tonight. In airport heights.

There will be liggggggghhhhhts...... *Flash* *Flash*
There will be druuuuuuums-ah...... *Thump* *Thump*
There wil be gui-taaaaaaaaaaarrrrs.... *scrreeeeeam* *screeeech*
There will be.......

ROCK AND ROLL!!!!

Actually, we'll probably just play "High and Dry" a few times.
Probably tell some stories....

2009-03-06T06:05:00.002-03:30

I've been up. Pretty much the whole night. Sick, ya see.... Sick of you!
It is Friday. Usually I'm stoked for this day. Being up all last night sick and not having work because "things are slow right now" have taken the stuffing out of this usually festive pinata.
Remember Friday nights in high school? What a laugh, eh 'by? Myself and Paul Warford would drink beer [or Bacardi Limon :( ] and/or go up to " 4 lease" and play hackey sack and appear awkward around girls. It all ended up with me and him in his parents' rec room watching the Tom Green show.

This sketch was quotable for years and, because of it, we all have "Jam Jar" mugs in our kitchen cupboards....

Now you're playing with power

2009-03-01T14:02:00.002-03:30

If you read my 25 randoms things on facebook, it said I like watching old commercials on youtube. I stumbled on this one a while ago and it really brought me back. I can remember reciting the "which, way, to, go?" part and the "pea-pea-pea-peahats" line to my friends. I hate how my childhood memories are advertisements.

Standin by the stove...

2009-02-26T19:58:00.001-03:30

Going around the bay tomorrow. Gettin' drunk I suppose. Tell some stories or somethin'...

Listen to this

2009-02-25T19:03:00.000-03:30

Like a mirror...

2009-02-25T18:00:00.004-03:30

Sarah Turpin and I are officially in a relationship... According to Facebook.
People say that Sarah Turpin and Paul Warford are the same person. I say no.
I'll get an urgent text from Sarah saying that she taught a great class.
Paul Warford will send me an urgent text saying that he farted and it smelled so bad. (And he was able to successfully blame it on one of his students.)
To be honest, the likelihood of me receiving a text from either one of these people is very slim... for different reasons.

Snow days make me creep on wikipedia

2009-02-16T20:36:00.002-03:30

Did you know that the proceeds of the NHL All-Star game to the NHLPA players pension fund? Did Harold Druken play enough games to get a pension? I was installing a sprinkler system at restaurant downtown that was undergoing renovations and he was working there as a labourer.
"Hey drukes! Hand me that hammer!"

Listen to this:

Is it the tomatoes or the green thingies?

2009-02-15T14:18:00.000-03:30

Turpin: Bruschetta is good for your colon. *Pause* Do I have a colon?

*Slight Choking*

Peter: Yes. You do.

Turpin: Good

*silence for about 30 seconds*

Peter: Did you mean prostate?

Turpin: YES!!

Peter: You don't have one of those.

Turpin: Good. I know.

Block and Key

2009-02-14T19:23:00.003-03:30

It's okay.
We are safe.
It's like a back-room poker game now.
Bussey would win. He knows when to hold 'em, fold 'em, walk away, and when to put his facebook on limited profile.

Might have been the turn signal....

2009-02-09T19:17:00.004-03:30

Zip Back.
The other week. I can't remember which one.
Bouge comes to town. She was in Kip-pens while her school fought with the people that worked there. Of course, Syrup and Bouge are together immediately. The go downtown to buy some clothes. I agree to pick them up when I get off work.
Me: "How am I going to pick you guys up?"
Syrup: "We'll start walking down water street and we'll meet you along the way."

I go from one end of water street to the other. Never saw 'em. I dart down Duckworth and make another pass. I spot them on a crosswalk. They spot me. They start yelling "PETER RUSSELL!!!! PETER RUSSELL!!!!" and started waving their arms wildly. I questioned their sobriety*. They didn't spot the woman walking directly behind them. She had an ipod and didn't hear the yelling but she had eyes and one of them was almost knocked out by a flailing arm. She was quite (and understandibly) annoyed. None of this phased the two girls. (understandibly)
The next part of this story is fuzzy. Long story short, Bouge is losing her shit, laughing hysterically in the back of the car. For what reason, I don't know. It's makes you like her.

Listen to something. Frig.

*They were sober.

"Wake up! Who cares about, little boys who talk too much."

2009-01-31T23:22:00.002-03:30

I tried being a vegetarian. I was doing well. I didn't miss meat at all.... Tastebud-wise. My body, however, missed it. Red meat is an excellent source of iron and I am lacking. I have started eating it again, but not regularly. twice a week at the most. If you got moose in your freezer that you are looking to get rid of, send it over.

Syrup Turnip can't make sound effects. It's one of the cuter things she does. That and when she crosses her eyes.

We like this song.

A.D.D. post #1 for 2009. (Don't get excited)

2009-01-25T15:07:00.008-03:30

I first thought that no one read this blog. Then I thought only a couple of friends read this blog. Now it seems there is a human being who shouldn't be reading my blog, yet, they are. I don't know what I could be saying that would interest him/her. I do not lead a sit-com style life like Paul Warford. I just really like SNL.

I am considering placing this piece of literary trash in some kind of "lock mode". I find this ridiculous. I never wanted to know who was reading my blog. If I know who you are, then I have apologize to you for having wasted your time reading my bullshit every time I see you. I guess you'll know if I do this.
I know other people that do this with their blog. Perhaps they could give me tips on how to set up/run this efficiently.

My posts are becoming less and less frequent. It's not that I am abandoning this project. It was a combination of me having continuous sex and not-continuous internet. One of those things has changed. I bought a router.

Earlier this fall, I was writing comedy pieces. I will never perform them. For one, I can't deliver them. I stop and do "um"s and "err"s. Secondly, I told a joke that I was sure was funny to Syrup Turnip and she didn't bat an eye. Immediately started talking about something else. I wasn't hurt. I just knew right then and there that it wasn't my thing. It was about sports, on television. Maybe the wrong crowd to pitch the idea? Whatever.

I can't recall telling you guys to listen to something for a while. Here's a band that is broke up and never released a record. In fact, this may be the only recording of their music in existence.

The Haters - Wrapped

Being a gentleman is understanding when "no" is the answer, accepting it, then moving on to other things.

Century Club!!

2009-01-14T19:47:00.003-03:30

I didn't embarass myself again... yet
This marks my 100th post. I have been eying the "99" on the dashboard for quite some time. I kept holding off. The 100th post has to be something great. Like the 100th episode special on WKRP in Cincinnati. Bigger than Loni Anderson's hair.
I almost posted a very terrible entry about "ol' Red Beard". He has been a nuisance for me for some time now. If you don't know who I am talking about, it's no odds. I'm not wasting my time explaining him to you. I'm also not going to waste my (and your) time tearing him up in my blog. He needs to deal with some issues. He makes me feel uncharacteristic.

I promised that I would show SNL clips. I found the ones I want to show but i need to edit them out of the whole episode and make them into snack-sized doses. It's hard to find SNL clips on Youtube. Instead of finding Will Ferrell, you find this. I think she looks kinda like Anne-Marie Bourgeois.

Favorite Christmas Quote

2009-01-02T13:56:00.002-03:30

Jennah: "Do you know what an Urban Legend is?"
Emma: "No..."
Jennah: "It's when Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy come on the same night."

Future, revealed

2008-12-13T19:27:00.003-03:30

I plan on making a compilation of my favorite SNL sketches and placing them on this blog. They won't be all my favorites. Some of them I have been unable to find on the internet and they are quite old. There will be a couple from the Jason Bateman episode. I'm really looking forward to doing this. Because I am a geek. An SNL geek. My sister owns Trivial Pursuit - SNL Edition. I have only played a complete game of it once. It is hard to get people to play. Kirk Bussey has been the only person who looks forward to playing it with me.
At the end of the only game I played, I got to the centre place on the board and the game clinching question was about to be asked. This is what it was.
"What is the name of the Chris' Farley character who 'lives in a van down by the river'"
I was wearing a shirt at the time that had those words printed on it. I am geek. I won.

In Flight Disappointment

2008-12-07T17:21:00.003-03:30

The posts should be coming fast and furious. This week was eventful.

I went on the road this week.
Fortune.
The place.

You go to Fortune if you want to go to St. Pierre. I wouldn't necessarily recommend spending any time in either of those places. The only upside to Fortune is that it is a great place to get cheap St. Pierre liquor. Obtaining a crock of Gin was one of my two objectives on this trip. The other being getting the fuck out of there in a timely manner. While I didn't get any liquor, I did get salt fish splits. I don't like 'em but the old man lost his shit when he found out that I got him some.

Since 2004, I have been waiting for In Flight Safety to return to St. John's to perform a show. This past Friday, they played at the Ship. I had tickets well in advance. After a well-timed series of events, I watched them take the stage at around 1:30. They played a short set.... Probably the shortest set out of the the three acts that took the stage. They played three songs that weren't on their new album. Although I enjoyed hearing new IFS, I would have liked to hear a song off their first record. I discovered the band through that album. It would have been nice to hear at least one song off that E.P. And, as if to rub it in my face, they get up to do an encore and do two cover songs. One of them being "99 Luftbaloons" I was ready to leave at that point. I wasn't going to go to the second show. I wanted to go to the second show after the first show because the first show was so disappointing and I didn't want to have that taste left in my mouth. I have since convinced myself that the second show would probably be the same.
Shame on the works of ya...

Point the headstock towards the sky!!!!

2008-12-01T21:24:00.003-03:30

Parents:
I am sick of you going into music stores and exclaiming to the clerk that your kid can play guitar hero on expert and therefore needs a real guitar because they have "natural talent". Your kid is good at video games, not music. Anyone who thinks shredding the solo to "welcome to the jungle" is same as hitting plastic coloured buttons should be kicked in the nuts. I'm not against these games. I'm against the parents who are too stupid or out of touch to know the difference.

The drums work though. Since I started playing drums on Rockband, my skills on an actual drum kit have drastically improved, especially in regard to the kick drum.

I always wondered if the musicians who have music in these games play their own songs in the game. I found this.... goes to show how much the parents know....

We're so beyond this...

2008-11-27T16:25:00.001-03:30

This song is just awesome.... Is it okay that I like Tegan and Sara so much? They are twins. They are gay twins. Both of them. When guys say "I wonder do they make out with each other?" I reply "I dunno. Do you make out with YOUR sister?" Gets 'em every time.

Subaru spreads STIs

2008-11-27T07:47:00.003-03:30

When getting a battery of tests to see which STIs you got or don't got, they do a test for chlamydia. Apparently, there are two ways to do the test. The old way, and the new way. The new way don't hurt. The doctor I saw the other day don't know that way. He didn't know much. He didn't know where the tests were and spent the better part of 15 minutes scouring the clinic to find them. He ended up calling his doctor-buddy who let him in on the stash.

I get up on the table and remove clothing. This is the first time I have ever had to show my genitals to someone whom I didn't know their first name. Then he says something like "Yes by', shaves yer balls do you ya?" then jabs the stick where the pee comes out.

It hurt. Ya knows it did. Buddy said it would hurt. He talked like he was going to cut it off. It wasn't that bad. I made a little whimper and then it was done.

I hops up and says "Sure that wasn't bad at all!" He looked at me like he didn't believe me. He was trying to see that shimmer of pain that would be in my eyes if I was trying to be macho about it. I guess he psyched me out.
I felt like saying "I once smashed my finger in the end of a piece of pipe and continued to work without looking at it for 15 minutes" but that's sprinkler talk. I feel really embarrassed when I talk like that.
It kept hurting though. all the way to Dairy Queen. I said "Fuck this minor pain, I'm getting a sundae" and I did. And my bird stopped hurting. And everything felt right in the world. Until I got home. Syrup Turnip wasn't there. She was around the bay. I'm sure she would have said something clever that would have degraded me in some way. What a sweetheart.

My birthday is on Saturday. I am having a get-together on friday. Facefuck me for the details. It will be the last day of me being 27. I really thought I was going to die this year.

Shit, I'm going to be late for work

2008-11-26T12:18:00.002-03:30

I have added a new ringtone to my phone. It is becoming one of my fav-or-ite songs.

Unrelated, The next couple of days will be crucial. I wish everyone could see what I see.

My afternoon was planned before i knew it...

2008-11-22T22:19:00.003-03:30

At breakfast this morning....

Me: "Hey, that's that missus..."
Syrup: "Huh?"
Me: "That waitress that really likes us. She works at Montana's too. I hope we get her today."
Syrup: "Huh?"
Me: "The waitress by', the waitress!"
Syrup: "Oh, sorry. I was thinking about Jurassic Park...."

When in doubt, shout it out

2008-11-16T12:22:00.001-03:30

Red Wine, Scary-thriller movies and the futon don't mix.

"Hey, I'm going to the bathroom, don't steal my beer while I am gone"

2008-11-11T19:35:00.002-03:30

Today I feel bad.
I feel bad for Syrup Turnip.
I feel bad for Ashley Ryan.
I feel bad for Johnathan Clark.

Last night was intense. I have never had quite an experience like that before. I didn't know he was drunk. If I knew that, things would have gotten worse, and I would have felt worse today.

I tried to look for a video. Most of them hit a little too close to home. I found this one.

Forgetting Peter Russell

2008-11-09T19:01:00.001-03:30

Syrup Turnip wants this be her ringtone:

Peter's Blog Sold Out...

2008-11-08T19:42:00.002-03:30

I want drums. I found drums. I don't have the money for drums. I am selling shit in order to pay for drums.

I'm selling my ps2. It got a Modchip and a 250 GB hard drive in it. This means you can download ps2 games off the internets and load them on the hard drive and play them. It'll play import games and everything. I got 2 Guitar Hero guitars that are going along with it. Guitar hero 1,2 and guitar hero rocks the 80s will come with it. Guitar hero 3 is on the hard drive along with a mess of other games. I got 3 or 4 controllers to go with it. Memory Card as well. Multitap is included. I got a hard shell carrying case for it too that I'll throw in.
I'm asking $250 bucks for the works of it.

I'm also selling my electric guitar. it's a 93 Ibanez EX3700. It's a rare model. They only made it for two years. It's kinda like a RG.
I'm asking $225 for that.

I might be selling my Wii. Haven't decided on that one yet.....

99.1 SHIT FM

2008-11-07T21:14:00.003-03:30

My mother listens to CBC radio. Exculsively. I listen to it from time to time. Especially in the morning. My mother used to listen to the FM stations form time to time, but no longer. It all stems from a couple of years back when the CBC staff was on strike. The programming on the public broadcaster was reduced to reruns, crap, and the BBC. Mom was growing tired of it and switched to the top 40 channel. Unfortunetly for her, this was during the peak of "My Humps" so-called popularity. That would deter anyone from moving radios from 640 on the A.M. dial. Mom thinks Green Day's "American Idiot" is a great album. I love her for that. She also digs this tune.

those pics made her very quiet,

2008-11-02T19:03:00.003-03:30

Sarah Turpin has her own place. And just when couch surfing was starting to become popular. I was down there yesterday. She was unpacking boxes from what seemed like a different life that she had. She came across this box of photographs. I sat next to her as she skimmed through them, placing them into piles, but it didn't really seem as if they were becoming anymore organized. Every now and then she would come across a picture with her in it and say either "I was soooo drunk here" or "I am soooo drunk in this picture" The only pictures where she didn't say that was when there were pictures of her and Peter Miles (It might be spelled with a y, whatever). I knew him from before but didn't know that I knew him until I saw those pics. That guy went downhill a bit. He probably doesn't read my blog so I can safely say that without reprocussions. I'm not too worried either way. I probably look as good now as I'm gonna get. I was fat before and I'll be older and deformed from a workplace accident soon enough.

There was a wedding last night. Warford drank wine out of a shoe and I drank the water out of the centerpiece in the middle of the table. Classy.

I feel I should give you something to listen to. Shuv dis up in ya.

Fruit on the bottom, Hair on top.

2008-11-01T09:37:00.003-02:30

Paul Warford and Sarah Turpin showed up as my house on Thursday afternoon. They do that. I don't mind. They sit to the table and make fake lesson plans. This day it was different. Warford was doing the funny-ha-ha racket downtown that night and he was supposed to pose as Mitch Hedburg. The Afro wasn't making it convincing. Turpin was going to straighten his hair. I have seen pics of Warford with straight hair and it looks unnatural. Like two-headed dog unnatural. With their combined dedication and willpower, they got about half-way through before deciding that they didn't want to do it anymore and decided that just wearing aviator glasses was convincing enough. He did the voice pretty well, and told half-jokes. That's dedication.