Standin by the stove...

Listen to this

Like a mirror...

Sarah Turpin and I are officially in a relationship... According to Facebook.
People say that Sarah Turpin and Paul Warford are the same person. I say no.
I'll get an urgent text from Sarah saying that she taught a great class.
Paul Warford will send me an urgent text saying that he farted and it smelled so bad. (And he was able to successfully blame it on one of his students.)
To be honest, the likelihood of me receiving a text from either one of these people is very slim... for different reasons.

Snow days make me creep on wikipedia

Did you know that the proceeds of the NHL All-Star game to the NHLPA players pension fund? Did Harold Druken play enough games to get a pension? I was installing a sprinkler system at restaurant downtown that was undergoing renovations and he was working there as a labourer.
"Hey drukes! Hand me that hammer!"

Listen to this:

Is it the tomatoes or the green thingies?

Turpin: Bruschetta is good for your colon. *Pause* Do I have a colon?

*Slight Choking*

Peter: Yes. You do.

Turpin: Good

*silence for about 30 seconds*

Peter: Did you mean prostate?

Turpin: YES!!

Peter: You don't have one of those.

Turpin: Good. I know.