Wanna go for a coffee with me? I have asked that question more frequently this summer than I have in my entire life. partly because I didn't really drink much of it until this year, partly because going for coffee has become the "go to the bar for a drink" for people who don't live downtown. I would love to live downtown. I moving the to opposite of downtown. That's okay though. The new accommodations will suit just fine.
Nothing funny is happening anymore. Maybe funny stuff is happening but I am too miserable to find it funny. I would say this is the most likely scenario. Funny stuff happens around me. I hang out with Paul Warford.
Someone gave me some inside information yesterday. Exciting information. I have been asked not to mention it to anyone and I will honor that request. I hope it goes through. I am pretty pumped about it. weeeeeeee!
Robert Shandera is having people intoxicate themselves and other at his house tomorrow night. Hopefully this will provide some stories, pictures and/or video footage. I can tell you that a Boone's chug will be performed and, depending on who is in attendance, I may possibly perform back-to-back chug's. Vomiting will be a guarantee.
I think I am going to make a little noise tonight. In one way or another.
Sunday afternoon. Me and Warford leave Shandera's place at the same time he did. He was going to Kent's. We were going to the airport. We approach a red light and as we do, Warford realizes that we will be side by side with Shandera when we stop. He gets excited. "Have we got time? Have we got time? I'm gonna fuckin' moon him" "Yeah, sure" I says "The light just turned red" He scrambles and struggles with belts and buttons and soon he's on his knees on passenger seat with his bare ass in the air. Unfortunately for me, Shandera was on our left hand hand and I was driving. This meant Paul Warford's hairy bum was an unacceptable distance from my face. Shandera starts to laugh. Partially for the fact that his childhood friend is showing him parts of body that aren't usually seen at an intersection, but mostly for the fact that we were surrounded on all sides by parked traffic, especially the elderly woman who was visibly taken aback by the public anal display. Light turns green and we take off. We get to the airport and I park along the sidewalk in front of the building. Fuck yer signs saying the car will be towed. There are a gang of airport employees smoking not far from the car as I park. I get out and walk around the car. Warford is a bit slower than me. He gets out and realises his pant are still half down from mooning Shandera in Mount Pearl. I laugh. The smokers giggle and make funny looks. I am sure they have questions about what these two men were doing in the car beforehand. "No funny stuff going on here guys, we were just mooning a childhood friend earlier." I didn't actually say that. Whatever I said would have sounded just as stupid.
I have taken a liking to Tegan and Sara. They have clever melodies. I remember a week this past winter when this song was the only one in my head. Not for the lyrics, the melody is just easy to remember and I like it.
Tomorrow is Andrew and Rachel's 1 st anniversary. I will wish them thousands of congratulations. Hopefully the will eventually both live in the same country.
My world was a a very different place 365 days ago.
This weekend was lost to say the least. Friday night we had a party for Kirk Bussey. He had accepted a job in central newfoundland as a teacher and we were going to do a Century Club with him before we left. Too bad we didn't ask him if he was going to be around this weekend. He wasn't. He had to go to Marystown for a wedding. That didn't stop us. This was only my 2nd time performing this feat. I said that I was going to do it with Guinness. Everyone thought I was nuts. It worked out very well and I am still nuts. I had a cd made with 100 clips of minutes songs. Every time the song changed, you were supposed to drink. I lost that CD and had to make up a new one the night before. Which is hard. Trying to find a 100 songs. Maybe I'm just lazy. Anyways, turns out I only put 98 songs on the CD. Andrew Butler came through. He is clutch like that. Next Morning. Warford wakes up before 10 O'clock. This is quite a feat. He is slightly hungover. If you seen the pics on facebook, you'd understand. We celebrate him seeing the sun before it reaches it's peak in the sky by going to Cora's downtown. The place is busy but not too bad. We get (possibly) the best table two bachelors could get. It is a window seat right next to the computer that the waitresses place their orders in. They wear tight black pants at Cora's. A nice bum must be a prerequisite there. Our table was also next to the door that you use to access the outside deck. There were wasps on the deck that day. Some people didn't like it. One of the waiters especially. He was rather flamboyant. This made his fear of wasps quite amusing. He wouldn't bring the food to the people outside. Instead, he used to give it to the waitresses to bring out. We found it funny. Then a wasp perched itself on the inside of the door. The gay waiter fuckin lost it. "Oh God! Oh! God! Kill it! Someone kill it! Angela! You kill it! It's gonna sting me, I know it." This went on for sometime and I was growing tired of the whining. Warford was visibly annoyed. I had enough. I stood up, rolled up my menu, went over and beat that fucking wasp into oblivion. I wanted to beat the fucking waiter into oblivion but beating the wasp was much more socially acceptable. I was especially attracted to one waitress. I think her name was katherine or kaitlin. Something like that. I didn't ask her out. I lack confidence. Also, I know how much these poor waitresses are getting asked out all the time and all they need now is another shithead asking them out on dates. My heart is not into it either....
Next thing ya know, I'm going to a Disney themed party. Everyone is supposed to dress like a character. I dressed up as aladdin. I already had the hat. I didn't know anyone at the party except for Paul Warford. By the end of the party, I had met lots of people, I wouldn't be able to tell you who I met though. I was pretty loaded, again.
Next morning, myself, Paul Warford and Robert Shandera went to Cora's for breakfast. Unfortunately, we were unable to secure the table with the spectacular view. Which was probably a good thing because sitting at the table next to it was a former important person in my life. The guys knew something was wrong. I didn't want something to be wrong. My gut just made me feel that way. Coffee fixed that. It wasn't the fact that she was there, she was there with someone that I accused her of cheating on me with. I couldn't say for sure that it happened. But about 10 minutes after I brought it up, we were broke up. She didn't like what was happening, I didn't like what was happening. I don't know why I asked her. How could I win? She says no, I look like and asshole, I feel bad, I fail. If she says yes, I feel bad, I fail. That moment burned so many bridges and sabotaged the relationship and any chance of reconciliation.
Girlfriends kill blogs. Single people put messages on t-shirts.
These statement are true. I plan on putting them on t-shirts.
Ever see the episode of Seinfeld where George and Elaine switch lives? George becomes all successful and charming and elaine becomes the loser and Jerry has everything even out?. This is happening with Warford and Me. I am the only one out of the group that is single and I am finding it exceedingly awkward around women. I have also started spilling shit on me. I wear a nice white t-shirt out to the coffee hangout tonight and walk out of the place wearing a tie-dye red and white number that Jack White would be proud of.
In one month I'll be cleaning this apartment for the last time. Then I'll be moving into a house. A big, empty house. It kinda bums me out because I have no furniture to put in it. I am also nervous that the size of the place will make me feel lonely. Come visit me when I move to airport heights... If it isn't out of your way.
I have been singing Joel Plaskett songs in my head for the past week. This week it has been Fur Packed Action. A few lines have been on repeat....
-Now I'm doing everything I've accused you of Wallowing in harmful feelings It's ok, It's alright, Another day, another night I'm a punk, I can take it
There were conflicting messages in my entry-before-last and the one before that. I didn't realize that until today. Although they conlfict, they both have aspects that are true. I'm still gonna enjoy the sundresses (even though summer is just about over) but I'm not gonna sweat it either. You can wear a sundress and strut over and see me. We'll see what happens.
I have been thinking about doing a stand-up comedy routine. I have thought of some bits that i would like to use. I thought of not doing it because comedy is Paul Warford's thing and I didn't want to take is thing. I have since realized that he is so much better than I'll ever be and I'll have no fear of even holding a candle to him.
Yesterday it poured. Monsoon rain. It was ridiculous. Especially when you work in a building that doesn't have windows in it yet. Thank baby Jesus for G.F.I.s It had rained the night before. Unfortunately, in a moment of stupidity, a had left my boots out by the door all night. I discovered this fact at 7:15. I had to back a work at 8. I was able to pour water from each boot. Long story short I made it to work, 10 minutes late, with dry footwear. Thanks go out to my future best man and to Hydro Quebec. The Joel Plaskett Emergency played at the Arts and Culture Centre last night. I was pretty excited and nervous at the same time leading up to the event. Joel Plaskett is, in my opinion, one of the best songwriters in Canada. I have been listening to his work quite extensively for quite a few months. I can probably sing the "Ashtray Rock" album from end to end. His heartfelt lyrics have relation to the darker parts of my life that have taken place this year and is the reason why I was nervous about going. Originally, I was to go the show with a former important person in my life. I later decided (for my own sanity) not to take her. This was probably one of the better decisions I have made this week. The show was great. Joel sang a mix of his recent work and some of his previous and solo work. He even played some stuff he hasn't released yet. There was one song, however, that I really wanted to hear -scratch that- needed to hear and you can imagine my disappointment when the house lights came on to bring an end to the concert and it still wasn't played. "Nothing More to Say". It's an "I'm finished with this" song. It would have been fitting. Alas, the world keeps spinning. In one moment of hilarity, Shandera and I were sitting almost directly in the middle of the theatre before the show started. People were filing in and we were discussing jiu jitsu and my future participation in it. Shandera says he would like to have some ,ats so that he could practice at home and that I could practice with him. The he says (quite loudly) "Sure we can find an old mattress somewhere and roll around for a while" The gentleman to our right immediately whipped his head around and looked at us. I beat my forehead against the seat in front of me. What else are ya gonna do?
Another Boone's chug was performed last night. It wasn't recorded at the request of one of the particpants. It was his birthday. Warford's old roommate was supposed to join us for the ritual. It was her idea to have it on friday night. She didn't show up, which didn't surprise me. Girls do that regularly when I am involved in the mix. That wasn't the important part. Not by a long shot. The surprise of the night was Warford's performance in the chug. He wasn't the last one finished. He wasn't even the second-last one finished. We were all very proud. I think the birthday boy would have done better had he not picked Green Apple to chug. Poor decision. The chug started a trend that night. I chugged everything. A Jagerbomb, 4 pints of Boddington's, MGD. I was pretty loaded by the end of it. Me and Pike were singing Radiohead songs. He was pretty loaded too. We haven't done that in a long time... I liked it a lot though.
I think I am going to start Jiu Jitsu, much to Shandera's delight. He has been trying to get me to join him in his class for some time now. I have decided to do so because I need to place focus on something. I tried placing focus on women. After getting stood up for the 4th time by the 3rd different person, I have realized I am wasting my time. Someone can ask me out for a change and if I feel like showing up to that date, I will. Jiu Jitsu won't stand me up. It'll probably knock me down, but It won't stand me up. Robert tells me that having chest hair is not good because it gets pulled from time to time. I have chest hair. More than necessary.
If you have been in the east end lately, you would have noticed that near torbay road, around the howley estates sobey's there is a 10 story, ugly concrete structure being built there. That is going to be my place of work for the next few weeks or months. I went there today to unload a truckload of material and get a few things set up. I almost died. I was working on the side of the building pushing something through a window when a heard a loud thud next to me. I looked down and saw a piece of 2x4 lying there. some asshole threw it from the 7th story and it just missed me. Not long after that, two guys got soaked after another guy dumped water out a window. a lot of water. I anticipate a fistfight before it's all over and done with.
Remember when you got you mom and dad to play Super Mario? Remember when they would tilt the control pad like that would make the little red fucker move faster across the screen? Remember the enjoyment you got watching your parent jump off the couch in sequence with the action on the screen? I relived those moments again tonight when my mother got on the Rockband "drum kit". The hoots, the shouts, the hops... it was all there. All sequenced to "blitzkreig bop".
I'm a new day rising I'm a brand new sky to hang the stars upon tonight I am a little divided do I stay or run away and leave it all behind
Monday, August 4, 2008
I was talking to a girl I thought I liked. We were having a great conversation about ourselves and such. Then she asked me what I did for a living. I told her. She looked to the floor and I could see that the interest she had in me had immediately waned. I hate that sometimes I feel ashamed of my livelihood. It's hard for people not to be ignorant when you work in a field no one has heard of. It still hurts though.
I got back on the island yesterday morning. I am so happy to be back in a more favorable musical climate. Some time ago, I made a comment in one of my posts that I didn't like music as much as I used to and I had started listening to CBC radio. After spending almost two weeks in Labrador, where CBC is the alternative to a radio station that really likes The Flummies. I'll never say that I am getting sick of the satellite radio again. I'll tell you what I am sick of.... this bag of horseshit. The girls @ the Hillbilly Ranch really liked this one and played it frequently. I did not want to hear that song more than two times in my life. If they wanted raunchy, (I guarantee, the Hillbilly was already full of it) they should have played this. I am moving to airport heights soon pending a house inspection. Once I get there and everything is straightened away, my hat party project will go in to full swing. I wanted to have it at my present residence but you realistically can't have a party there. There were five people there at one point during the second boone's chug and it felt full. I have been contemplating ways to entice people to wear their craziest hat to the party. I have a few ideas. I won't let them loose here though. I am just very excited now. Things really are looking up.
P.S. I was listening to that flummies song as I was writing this post and they mentioned mulligan's in the song. That is the place where I was loaded and was groped and petted inside my underpants by Suzie (not her real name, you don't need to know that). I don't have the guts to post the details of the whole occasion, even though I have just told you the worst part. Thanks again Bobby for saving me from communicable disease.
EDIT: Let it be known that I did not invite Suzie to grope me and I was too drunk to do anything about it in a crowded bar. Now I know how you women feel @ the Sundance.
