Cleaning with Dirt

It's Saturday morning. I am doing the housework. Laundry, sweeping. The regular shit. The landlords are away for the weekend so I got the tunes cranked while I go about my business. Soon I hear a knock on the door. I can't find the remote to turn off my rock and roll. I manage to get the volume turned down slightly but it's still loud. I open the door and it the Jehovah's Witnesses. They start giving their rundown on Jesus and such and their pamphlet that I won't read. Soon the next song comes on. "Do you fuck on the first date" I don't know if she could hear it. I was certainly loud enough. Maybe they tune out the Rock and Roll sound. She was cougar hot. Her dress kept blowing up around her. God is cool like that.

Like Sailors....

Stories are sometimes funnier when you don't tell the whole thing.. You don't bore the person by telling them the unfunny bits... Example:
- Me and Warford decided to get drunk one night. We did. We went downtown with a bunch of girls. We ditched the girls. We end up on a boat. Drinking and getting drunker in St. John's harbour.
Maybe that story wasn't so funny. It is still better without the drama mixed in. There was moderate drama mixed with the evening. it was a good thing we drank. a lot.
When me and warford used to drink a lot I used to go into his laundry room and put on one of the many hats that were down there. I'd wear the cowboy hat and do this. There are pictures of me doing that.
Speaking of funny, I went to comedy @ The Victory on Sunday night... Everything was funny. Warford killed. This is because he remembered what he was supposed to say on stage which is an accomplishment for him because he sometimes forgets that he has to take a shit. I'm no better. I just don't get up in a room full of people and forget things.
I think this should be on a list of funniest things I have seen on the internet..

My world away from you...

Ever see a sprinkler head go off? It's not like they show it on T.V. I know this. I did this on Friday. Actually I cracked the head off.. The result is the same.
In the movies, The sprinkler goes off and nice clear water showers the nice people who cover themselves with the New York Times or a file folder.
In real life, first there is a giant bang when the head goes off. It sounds like a gun... This is from the immense pressure release. This pressure release also causes every other pipe in the building to shudder and shake.
The water that comes out isn't like the water that comes out of your showerhead. The water in sprinkler pipe has been sitting there probably since the system was installed. It has since turned black and smells fucking terrible.
If you were under a sprinkler when it went off, forget about blocking the spray with the paper or your briefcase. You will probably be knocked on your ass. Knocked on your ass with stinky, black water.
I hope this has been educational. I feel stupider by telling you and even worse for using the word "stupider"...

P.S. Myself and a co-worker were responsible for this

I live alone again.
I didn't like it at first... Everything in the apartment *correction* the apartment itself reminded me of my former roommate, even though we lived there for only a week.
I have realized this week that this is my apartment. It's starting to feel that way too. I like it here.

Nobody reads this anymore. I figured someone would have left a comment in my last post saying i forgot to include a song in my list.

Between the covers

The greatest covers of all-time: (My opinion counts this time, bitches....)

- "Movin' On" By Ashley MacIsaac (original by Hank Snow)
Who else (besides Kid Rock) is going to take a squeaky old country tune and turn into a Techno/Rap-Metal fusion?

- "Boys in the Hood" by Dynamite Hack (original by N.W.A.)
My favorite part is "Started talkin shit, wouldn't ya know? So I reached back like a pimp and I slapped the ho"

- "Detroit Rock City" By The Mighty Mighty Bosstones (Original by Kiss)
Kiss could never make a studio record. The Bosstones showed em how it is done.

- "Lovers in a Dangerous Time" By The Barenaked Ladies (Original by Bruce Cockburn)
This is my second favorite BNL tune (Brian Wilson is #1) I like the piano in it.

- "Rusty Cage" by Johnny Cash (Original by Soundgarden)
I didn't give a shit about Johnny Cash before this song came out... I thought he was just another country singer. This guy did "old guy doin' new covers" right. Fuck you Pat Boone.

- "Gloria" by Patti Smith (Original by Van Morrison)
The Doors did a cover of this song and that was good too... Pretty much anyone who covers this song is going to rock it. It's so fun. The clip was taken from her performance on SNL back in the 70s.

- "Walking with a Ghost" by The White Stripes (Original by Tegan and Sara)
I heard the cover before I heard the original. I think both of them are good. This song turned me on to Tegan and Sara. I have never seen pictures of them but they sound cute. I could be wrong. I was wrong about the singer in Sunshine State. Jesus Christ, eat something. You are so underweight that your hair won't grow any longer!

- "Maybe Tomorrow" by The Antics (Original by A Well Trained Dog)
Just kidding.

It has almost been a month. That is ridiculous. This is a blog, not Rolling Stone. People on the internet are impatient. They want things right away and they want lots of it. If you ever have to use dial-up internet again you will know what I am talking about.
A good reason why the blog hasn't been updated in a while is because I broke my laptop. It is a Mac. When I tell people that my macbook is broke they say "I thought macs didn't break". If that was the case I would get Apple to build me a car. It would be white and come with a lot of packaging. It would be started by first inserting you finger into a small hole on the dash and then picturing kittens in you brain. (For no other reason than just to be different than every other car out there)
I am moving again. This time to Kilbride. Underneath my best friend's sister. I had a crush on her when I was 5. Because she had freckles. She is a nurse. My girlfriend thinks I will have a crush on her again for this reason.