E.Coli

Me (Talking about recent death): and the guy that invented the ATM died last week.
Sarah: Ass to Mouth?
Me (chock full of sarcasm) Yes. The guy who invented Ass to Mouth died last week.

pwned

My wife talks to Google. They don't get along. I guess she doesn't like it when someone is constantly picking out her mistakes.
Sarah : {tap, tap, tap, click} *sigh* "I know I spelt it wrong, you don't need to tell me. My finger slipped."

I like to call her Clyde

Claire emerges from the hallway and flops herself down on the loveseat. She looks at me and says:
"I like your bathroom because I look at a picture of Paul Warford while I'm taking a shit"

My obsession with pinball has started to worry me. I had a dream last night that a place opened near where I live that had all kinds of pinball machines and it was a truly wonderful dream.
I have started searching kijiji for pinball machines in Atlantic Canada.

Context

Sarah: "I have a black man inside of me.
Me: "A black man inside of you???"
Sarah (Smiling): "A big, fat, hairy black man inside of me."