Karma (The Bad Kind).....

My Apologies.

We were drunk and hungry....

Happy Birthday Andrew Butler

Saturday night live isn't funny anymore. Last week, They did a sketch will Michael Phelps that was EXACTLY the same as a sketch they did with Peyton Manning a year or two ago. It was a live re-run. Shame on Lorne Michaels for allowing that to be aired.
I blame NBC for the decline in Saturday Night Live. In 1999, they changed the way there do contracts for SNL players and writers. Long term deals, commitments to movies, commitments to NBC sitcoms. A lot of good comedians get turned off by these demands and opt not to sign with this once comedic mecca. NBC is trying to cash in on the next Adam Sandler and Mike Myers. The problem is, the next Adam Sandler and Mike Myers isn't going to sign a shitty contract like that. All you get is unfunny people like Andy Samburg, Seth Myers (SNL's head writer btw), and Amy Poehler.

Norm MacDonald was funny on the show. Wasn't much of a character actor though. I have a feeling NBC kept him on a short leash as well. Here is a classic appearance by him on Conan O'Brien from 1997:
Part 1


Part 2


Part 3

The princeess needs your assistance...

I had a date Saturday night. It went very well, I must admit. It went so well that it happened a day early. If you are scratching your head, I don't blame you. I've made things unnecessarily complicated. This is what I do. I went out Friday night instead of Saturday night. Relationships are always fun when they are new. The other person hasn't heard all your stupid stories yet, the look the other person has in their eyes is nothing like you have ever seen before. We'll see how this one pans out.....
The power cord on my laptop broke on Sunday. It is now in a shop getting repaired. This means I have to use my desktop computer. It's not actually on a desktop. it's on the floor and connected to my living room television. The screen is too fucking big. You can't read emails on this. If the blinds are open, the people across the street can read about all my financial transactions with the Nigerian monarchy. I also have a dislike of Windows. I do like WinAMP and the vast library of music contained on this machine.

I feel so busy right now and it's a good feeling. Slap me in the face and wake me up.

The lights just drift by....

I heard this song on the radio tonight on the way to Warford's. I like songs with a beat when I am driving Columbus drive at night, during summer. This song was perfect. It was moments like that one that I cherished the most this summer.

Sometimes you just gotta grab the Cow by the....

I wanna jump up in the air and click my heels. I am in bed. I'm not getting out to do that. Perhaps I'll make the yellow pages-walking fingers thingie and do one the top of my laptop. Something just burst wide open inside. I hope it isn't my spleen.

I always liked the expression "If he fell into a barrel of cunnys, he'd still come up with a cock in his mouth" If you don't get it, It refers to the amplitude of someone's homosexuality. I think I like it because it uses the word Cunny, which I find amusing and is the word a most often use to describe female genitalia. Number two would probably be "Cootch" Would you be allowed to say either on the radio or television? Maybe on Showcase.
I found out that my friends poke fun at me because I refer to having sex as "screwin'". I didn't think it was that funny until they brought it up. It's like something a 12 year-old would say. A lot of what I say could be mistaken for a 12 year-old's words. Cowabunga.

This Is How You Remind Me...**

There are songs that remind me of people. One of my first blog entries touched on the fact that songs remind me of situations, summers, people etc. I had to go back and check just in case I wasn't doing a rerun or clip show. It's not. Here are some songs and the people they remind me of:

I Mother Earth / Summertime in the void - Aoife
The Bloodhound Gang / Fire Water Burn - Wallace
Pantera / This Love - Dennis
Kaiser Chiefs / Ruby - Julie
Matthew Good Band / Indestructible - Daniel
Any song by the Goo Goo Dolls - Jennifer T
Red Hot Chili Peppers / Coffee Shop - Pike
George Jones / White Lightning - Butler
Sunshine State / Day Job - Andrea
Ween / Voodoo Lady - Dave
The Cure / Burn - Shandera
Taking Back Sunday / Bike Scene - Warford
Feed / Just a Mess* - Krista (Good luck finding that one the internet)
Phantom Planet / California - The Entire Milley Family
Snow Patrol / Chasing Cars - Angela
Len / Steal My Sunshine - Turpin
Leonard Cohen / Closing Time - Williams
Stardust / The Music Sounds Better With You - Colin (He liked that song, if you can believe that)
Katy Perry / I Kissed a Girl - The whole bunch at the Hillbily Ranch. Also reminds me of vomiting

I am certain that there are more but these are ones that popped in my head instantly.

Man in the box reminds everyone of Dustin Bartlett.

What song(s) remind you of me? I have a feeling Sloan, Pearl Jam, In-Flight Safety and maybe Joel Plaskett (Depending on how long you have known me) may be responses.

I didn't put my sister in this list. The reason for this is because she was/is probably my biggest musical influence. There would be too many songs to list.

*This is what came up when I googled "Feed Just a Mess Newfoundland"


Kate Nash / Foundations - Spring 2008

** I had to change the title of this entry after the fact because it really had had no context other than it was a line in the Kate Nash song. I'm trying to pull this thing from the depths of sorrow to the nonsense, bullshit blog that it used to be.

Looks like we have a mexican stand-off

Sarah Turpin reads my blog. Hello Turpin. I didn't think she did. She said I was a very sad person. I would consider this statement correct, wouldn't you? I don't know if it shows or not, but I think I'm on the upswing. It feels that way. I say things around Sarah Turpin that don't necessarily make sense. Things like Computerized cow. Even in context, it didn't make sense.

Sunday night Whinos

Here I am at the beginning of September. The unofficial last day of summer. "Good riddence" I says. This has certainly been a summer to forget. Especially since the highlights of the summer include discovering the Boone's Chug and having a drunk girl in Goose Bay try to give me a handjob in the middle of a crowded bar.
I didn't have sex either. Me and David Duchovny should hang out. I could straighten him out. This is the longest time I have gone without having sex since I lost my virginity. It actually doesn't bother me that much. I have been stood up too many times recently to give a shit about women right now.

Enough of the chickenshit-bullshit. Let's talk about this weekend... weeee!
I didn't go into work on Friday. I had an appointment that morning and took the day off to go to it. This meant I could sleep in a little later. I ended up at The Ship on Thursday night. Cherie Pyne released a CD there that night. I bought the CD. Unfortunately, most of the songs that she played that I had enjoyed were on one or more of her previous records. Paul Warford told me an attractive girl was giving me the up and down while we were there. He did not tell me this though until we were in the car, on the way home. "Thanks, shithead" I said. If she was hanging out at The Ship, I would say that she was a little too artsy for me. She's the kind of girl who wouldn't have sex with me because I once ate beef jerky. Get over it. Vegetables aren't everything.
Friday night was at Robert Shandera's house. He turned 27 this weekend and he invited a crowd over to celebrate. Robert Shandera invited many single women to his party. A true pal. None of these girl showed up though. They all went to send a girl off to Australia. It was just as well. It was lost. It was a boy's night. I did a Boone's chug. Kirk and Miranda showed up and announced their engagment. That just leaves Me, Warford and Pike.
Saturday was one of the days the three of us will talk about years from now. Shandera, Warford and myself drove out to Spaniard's Bay to get fitted for our tuxedos for Shandera's wedding. We walk in and tell the missus who were are and what we are doing there and she goes around the corner to get nice clothes for us to try on. We wander the shop, making fun of silly dresses and trying on top hats. Me and warford are in a corner where there is a mannequin wearing a wedding dress. I walk up behind the headless woman and start grinding her. I turn on my camera and tell warford to make love to the lifeless form. He gets behind the mannequin, places his hands on her hips and starts thrusting, much to our delight. Missus comes back around the corner and shouts "Get outta dat!" Laughter ensues. Missus goes back around the corner and warford makes his way towards the mannequin and whispers "c'mon, c'mon get a shot of this hee hee" He resumes thrusting the mannequin from behind when the missus comes around the corner and catches him doing it AGAIN! Missus bawls out: "Now Paul, what would yer mudder think if she knew you were doin' dat!?" I really wish I had a movie of the whole thing. Still photography will have to do.

After we get fitted and we see our parents, we go to Ernie Green's for a feed of chicken, potato and lard. A tasty treat. My car still smells like garlic and savory.
Saturday night was full of inspiration. I was hungry and my eyes could have used visine....
Sunday was Robert's birthday. We decided to go to comedy and then hit the street for tomfoolery. Comedy was pretty good. There was a girl there who i had not seen before. Her name was Mikaela and she was funny. Not a typical female comedian. Nothing was typical about her. She was funny (duh), smart and absolutely attractive in my eyes. Warford told me she had perfomed here before but hadn't been around in a long time. After the show I went up and talked to her in an attempt to find out more about this woman that intrigued me so much. Turns out she hadn't done comedy in a while at the Victory because she lives in fucking Toronto and is home for a few days. Alas, my world continues to spin on.
We leave the comedy 3/4 of the way cocked. We immediately turn into a dark alley where myself and warford take turns drinking a bottle of homemade wine from his father. This is where the night goes downhill for me. We end up at Greensleeves downing pint after pint and shouting requests to the poor musician on the stage. "Play Metallica! I bet you can't fucking play Metallica!" He did. On an acoustic guitar no less. I don't remember much about leaving. A friend of a friend saw me and later said "I wasn't fit and could barely stand up" That sounds about right.
We are walking down the street and I see I girl I know. For a while I had an interest in her. That's a different story. Anyways, I approach her and say "hello". She looks up and gives a cheerful "Hi" that she is known for. It is at this point I realize how drunk I am really am. I don't know what to do. So I tell her the truth'
"Uh, I'm too drunk to talk to you right now" I say. Then walk away.
I guess I won't be calling her anytime soon.
I then ate a hotdog, went home and threw up. First time in a long time. I was due. I needed that hangover too. Made me realize the messes I am putting myself in.