Rediculous request

Help me find out the name of this song!!

Part 1

Turpin and I did a mini pub-crawl on the way home this evening... i'm still drunk from it. Two drunk guys were at Erin's pub. They were talking. This is what one of them said when we fell silent for a moment..

"You can throw a helmet on me!!! Gimmie the chainsaw! Buddy, here we go!"

Snow days make me creep on wikipedia

Did you know that the proceeds of the NHL All-Star game to the NHLPA players pension fund? Did Harold Druken play enough games to get a pension? I was installing a sprinkler system at restaurant downtown that was undergoing renovations and he was working there as a labourer.
"Hey drukes! Hand me that hammer!"

Listen to this:

Might have been the turn signal....

Zip Back.
The other week. I can't remember which one.
Bouge comes to town. She was in Kip-pens while her school fought with the people that worked there. Of course, Syrup and Bouge are together immediately. The go downtown to buy some clothes. I agree to pick them up when I get off work.
Me: "How am I going to pick you guys up?"
Syrup: "We'll start walking down water street and we'll meet you along the way."

I go from one end of water street to the other. Never saw 'em. I dart down Duckworth and make another pass. I spot them on a crosswalk. They spot me. They start yelling "PETER RUSSELL!!!! PETER RUSSELL!!!!" and started waving their arms wildly. I questioned their sobriety*. They didn't spot the woman walking directly behind them. She had an ipod and didn't hear the yelling but she had eyes and one of them was almost knocked out by a flailing arm. She was quite (and understandibly) annoyed. None of this phased the two girls. (understandibly)
The next part of this story is fuzzy. Long story short, Bouge is losing her shit, laughing hysterically in the back of the car. For what reason, I don't know. It's makes you like her.

Listen to something. Frig.

*They were sober.

In Flight Disappointment

The posts should be coming fast and furious. This week was eventful.

I went on the road this week.
Fortune.
The place.

You go to Fortune if you want to go to St. Pierre. I wouldn't necessarily recommend spending any time in either of those places. The only upside to Fortune is that it is a great place to get cheap St. Pierre liquor. Obtaining a crock of Gin was one of my two objectives on this trip. The other being getting the fuck out of there in a timely manner. While I didn't get any liquor, I did get salt fish splits. I don't like 'em but the old man lost his shit when he found out that I got him some.


Since 2004, I have been waiting for In Flight Safety to return to St. John's to perform a show. This past Friday, they played at the Ship. I had tickets well in advance. After a well-timed series of events, I watched them take the stage at around 1:30. They played a short set.... Probably the shortest set out of the the three acts that took the stage. They played three songs that weren't on their new album. Although I enjoyed hearing new IFS, I would have liked to hear a song off their first record. I discovered the band through that album. It would have been nice to hear at least one song off that E.P. And, as if to rub it in my face, they get up to do an encore and do two cover songs. One of them being "99 Luftbaloons" I was ready to leave at that point. I wasn't going to go to the second show. I wanted to go to the second show after the first show because the first show was so disappointing and I didn't want to have that taste left in my mouth. I have since convinced myself that the second show would probably be the same.
Shame on the works of ya...

Sunday night Whinos

Here I am at the beginning of September. The unofficial last day of summer. "Good riddence" I says. This has certainly been a summer to forget. Especially since the highlights of the summer include discovering the Boone's Chug and having a drunk girl in Goose Bay try to give me a handjob in the middle of a crowded bar.
I didn't have sex either. Me and David Duchovny should hang out. I could straighten him out. This is the longest time I have gone without having sex since I lost my virginity. It actually doesn't bother me that much. I have been stood up too many times recently to give a shit about women right now.

Enough of the chickenshit-bullshit. Let's talk about this weekend... weeee!
I didn't go into work on Friday. I had an appointment that morning and took the day off to go to it. This meant I could sleep in a little later. I ended up at The Ship on Thursday night. Cherie Pyne released a CD there that night. I bought the CD. Unfortunately, most of the songs that she played that I had enjoyed were on one or more of her previous records. Paul Warford told me an attractive girl was giving me the up and down while we were there. He did not tell me this though until we were in the car, on the way home. "Thanks, shithead" I said. If she was hanging out at The Ship, I would say that she was a little too artsy for me. She's the kind of girl who wouldn't have sex with me because I once ate beef jerky. Get over it. Vegetables aren't everything.
Friday night was at Robert Shandera's house. He turned 27 this weekend and he invited a crowd over to celebrate. Robert Shandera invited many single women to his party. A true pal. None of these girl showed up though. They all went to send a girl off to Australia. It was just as well. It was lost. It was a boy's night. I did a Boone's chug. Kirk and Miranda showed up and announced their engagment. That just leaves Me, Warford and Pike.
Saturday was one of the days the three of us will talk about years from now. Shandera, Warford and myself drove out to Spaniard's Bay to get fitted for our tuxedos for Shandera's wedding. We walk in and tell the missus who were are and what we are doing there and she goes around the corner to get nice clothes for us to try on. We wander the shop, making fun of silly dresses and trying on top hats. Me and warford are in a corner where there is a mannequin wearing a wedding dress. I walk up behind the headless woman and start grinding her. I turn on my camera and tell warford to make love to the lifeless form. He gets behind the mannequin, places his hands on her hips and starts thrusting, much to our delight. Missus comes back around the corner and shouts "Get outta dat!" Laughter ensues. Missus goes back around the corner and warford makes his way towards the mannequin and whispers "c'mon, c'mon get a shot of this hee hee" He resumes thrusting the mannequin from behind when the missus comes around the corner and catches him doing it AGAIN! Missus bawls out: "Now Paul, what would yer mudder think if she knew you were doin' dat!?" I really wish I had a movie of the whole thing. Still photography will have to do.

After we get fitted and we see our parents, we go to Ernie Green's for a feed of chicken, potato and lard. A tasty treat. My car still smells like garlic and savory.
Saturday night was full of inspiration. I was hungry and my eyes could have used visine....
Sunday was Robert's birthday. We decided to go to comedy and then hit the street for tomfoolery. Comedy was pretty good. There was a girl there who i had not seen before. Her name was Mikaela and she was funny. Not a typical female comedian. Nothing was typical about her. She was funny (duh), smart and absolutely attractive in my eyes. Warford told me she had perfomed here before but hadn't been around in a long time. After the show I went up and talked to her in an attempt to find out more about this woman that intrigued me so much. Turns out she hadn't done comedy in a while at the Victory because she lives in fucking Toronto and is home for a few days. Alas, my world continues to spin on.
We leave the comedy 3/4 of the way cocked. We immediately turn into a dark alley where myself and warford take turns drinking a bottle of homemade wine from his father. This is where the night goes downhill for me. We end up at Greensleeves downing pint after pint and shouting requests to the poor musician on the stage. "Play Metallica! I bet you can't fucking play Metallica!" He did. On an acoustic guitar no less. I don't remember much about leaving. A friend of a friend saw me and later said "I wasn't fit and could barely stand up" That sounds about right.
We are walking down the street and I see I girl I know. For a while I had an interest in her. That's a different story. Anyways, I approach her and say "hello". She looks up and gives a cheerful "Hi" that she is known for. It is at this point I realize how drunk I am really am. I don't know what to do. So I tell her the truth'
"Uh, I'm too drunk to talk to you right now" I say. Then walk away.
I guess I won't be calling her anytime soon.
I then ate a hotdog, went home and threw up. First time in a long time. I was due. I needed that hangover too. Made me realize the messes I am putting myself in.

Like Sailors....

Stories are sometimes funnier when you don't tell the whole thing.. You don't bore the person by telling them the unfunny bits... Example:
- Me and Warford decided to get drunk one night. We did. We went downtown with a bunch of girls. We ditched the girls. We end up on a boat. Drinking and getting drunker in St. John's harbour.
Maybe that story wasn't so funny. It is still better without the drama mixed in. There was moderate drama mixed with the evening. it was a good thing we drank. a lot.
When me and warford used to drink a lot I used to go into his laundry room and put on one of the many hats that were down there. I'd wear the cowboy hat and do this. There are pictures of me doing that.
Speaking of funny, I went to comedy @ The Victory on Sunday night... Everything was funny. Warford killed. This is because he remembered what he was supposed to say on stage which is an accomplishment for him because he sometimes forgets that he has to take a shit. I'm no better. I just don't get up in a room full of people and forget things.
I think this should be on a list of funniest things I have seen on the internet..

More barf on Good Friday.....

I haven't been posting as often as I should. I do not have the "boring life" excuse. Not this time. A lot has gone on in the past couple of weeks.
I went "downtown" a couple of Fridays ago. Actually it was Good Friday. Jesus didn't appreciate it.
For the first time ever, I had gone downtown with no intention to see a band or show. It was going to be pure drunk-dancing. It made me sick to m stomach thinking about it in the car on the way down. It was that or all the beer I drank before.
We went to Konfusion. I don't know how this ranks as one of the dance places in town to dance. Don't write comments or message me saying "You went to Konfusion??? Aww man, you shoulda went to...." It don't matter. It was fun for about 10 seconds.
Shandera and Warford were downtown as well that night. They don't show the savior much respect either. They were down in my element. They were checking out some band @ roxxy's. I like roxxy's, it's small, loud, and The Antics were popular there for a short time. I hadn't seen the crowd I was with for about a half hour so I decide to dart over there for a little bit and maybe check out a band. I call Shandera. He is on his way home. He tells me Warford is still down and got a good buzz on. I climb the stairs to the deck in front of the club and instantly see the afro. That is the best thing about Paul Warford. It could be Retarded Christmas Shopping Blitz at the mall and you could still find Warford in a matter of seconds. Shandera is easy to find too. That's because you just have to go to EB and you'll find him. Anyways, back up to me coming up the stairs. I approach him from behind and grab his shoulders like I am going to throw him down the stairs I had just climbed like a bouncer throws a jerk down the stairs at the Cotton Club (I don't know anything about that). He gags on his cigarette and turns around "HEEEEEYY MAAHHHN" He is drunk. He is holding some piece of material in his hand.
Me:"What have you got in your hand?"
Paul:"Oh, that's my underwear"
Me:"Of course"
Paul:"We were watching hoskins' band and I was going to throw my underwear on-stage so I went in the bathroom and took them off"
I meant to ask him how long he was walking around with his underwearpants in his hand but I'm sure his sense of time was as fucked up as mine was.
I left again. the band has stopped playing for the evening. I went back to Konfusion. Everyone was there. We left shortly after. I threw up. Julie wasn't impressed.

The Weekend that was...

I didn't stop.
This has many meanings and sums up this weekend in so many ways.
I got home Thursday night and barely had time to take a shit when I packing my bags to leave again... A weekend in town. I didn't stop.
Because I was in Cock Block (If you don't know what I am talking about scroll down) for Valentine's Day, myself and an important person in my life decided to celebrate when I got back. We checked into the Delta friday evening. The room was huge. I have lived in apartments that were smaller than this place. It had a living room.
We went to Magnum & Stein's for dinner. The place is very nice. I had a plate of various shellfish that was delicious beyond written explanation. It was more than I could eat. I didn't stop.
After dinner we went to the store and bought champagne and Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream. We then went back to the hotel and turned on the jacuzzi. I didn't stop.
We slept in the next morning and was greeted with shitty snow. The real greasy stuff. We were downtown. The car wouldn't move. When I did move, I didn't stop.

Last night Miranda celebrated her 24th birthday. When Miranda is doing party stuff, you have to get in on it. It's always a blast. I got the usual phone call around 7 O'clock.
"What are you at me trout?"
"dis is it by"
"What time are you goin to the riff-raff?"
"I'm leaving now in a bit when She gets ready"
"Can you swing by and give me a ride on yer way? I was gonna ask Shandera but it's out of the way for him"
"Yes by I spose. Are you going to be ready when I leave?"
"I just needs to brush my teeth"
"Very good. I'll see you in a bit"

If you are "one of the by's" you know what happens next. This time I was surprised. He was showered (I assume), dressed. He was already half in the bag! This guy got his shit together. I later find out that he, in fact, DID shower. He drank half a bottle of wine in there.

The bowling was great. My greatest regret was not being drunk. I took a lot of pictures. I'll put em on facefuck as soon as my camera allows me to. Warford didn't appreciate its complexity. I don't think I have ever used it when I was drunk. I'm sure it doesn't make it easier. The only things that get easier for me when I am drinking is shooting pool and getting naked.