I think that stations like tsn, sportsnet, espn and all that shit is unnecessary. I don't think player salaries would be so high of these stations were not around. These stations make celebrities out of average professional athletes. Do you think people would care so much about Sean Avery if TSN didn't show his waving his hockey stick in front of Martin Brodeur a million times? They get so much time in the spotlight that they think they deserve a superstar's salary. In 1990, There were probably 10 players in the NHL that were making a million dollars a year and those players had last names like Roy, Lemieux, and Gretzky. I don't even think Ray Bourque made money like that. This is what happens when you have to much of a bad thing....
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
We drove by a sign on the side of the road the other day. It read:
"First Choice Hair Cutters. Celebrating 20 years in NL. Can you believe it?"
Of course I can believe it. People have been walking around with shitty haircuts for at least 20 years.
Last night I was drunk. Turpin got drunk too. Robert, Warford and Butler came by and drank beer too. The tail-end of the night is hazy. Because I was loaded. I fell asleep on the floor at some point, then woke up and went to the store and bought more beer. Because I was loaded. I can think of at least two occasions last night where the conversation turned to Terry Ryan. Each time, the dialogue ended with one us saying that he was an asshole of a piece of shit. I looked him up this morning. On the Internet. Then I looked into people that were drafted after him that same year. Because he was a bust. He was a 1st round pick and played only 8 games in the NHL and never got a single point. Here are some people Montreal could have picked instead:
Kyle McLaren JEROME IGINLA!! J.S Giguere Martin Biron Petr Sykora Marc Savard Miikka Kiprusoff
I guess you can't blame them for passing on the goalies. They still had Patrick Roy at that point.
While I was peeing, I decided to make a list of the shittiest (or my least favorite) cover songs. It should go along with this list that I made a few months ago.
Johnny Cash - "One" / Original by U2 This was the inspiration of my list. This was a real tearjerker in its original incarnation. There really was no need to redo it. The Johnny Cash "growl" didn't really fit the song.
Toad the Wet Sprocket - Rock and Roll All Nite / Original by Kiss This appeared on the Kiss Tribute album "Kiss My Ass". It took the life out of the song by turning it into a sticky-sweet ballad. Gene Simmonds said in an interview that when they were compiling this tribute, they went for songs that sounded different from the Kiss originals. I think he should have went for something that sounded "good" rather than "different". This song could be performed by anybody in any number of styles and it still would sound shitty. It has to be played live. Kiss knows that better than anyone. Their studio version of the song is fucking lame. *Sidenote*: On the same album, Lenny Kravitz does a version of "Deuce" that is one of my favorites, as is "Detroit Rock City" by the Mighty Might Bosstones which made my favorite covers list.
Me First and the Gimme Gimme's - Somewhere Over the Rainbow / Original by Judy Garland
This just wasn't necessary and seemed thrown together.
William Shatner - Rocket Man / Original by Elton John What would this list be without an appearance form Captain Kirk.
Sheryl Crow - Sweet Child o' Mine / Original By Guns n' Roses Take the reason why I put "One" up here and do a vice-versea on it. Too soft
*Youtube doesn't have Sheryl Crow singing her bullshit.... I don't blame them*
Madonna - American Pie / Original by Don McLean No need for this. The original was boring. It didn't need to sound shitty too.
That's it for now. More will come to me in the next couple of days, I'm sure....
I first thought that no one read this blog. Then I thought only a couple of friends read this blog. Now it seems there is a human being who shouldn't be reading my blog, yet, they are. I don't know what I could be saying that would interest him/her. I do not lead a sit-com style life like Paul Warford. I just really like SNL.
I am considering placing this piece of literary trash in some kind of "lock mode". I find this ridiculous. I never wanted to know who was reading my blog. If I know who you are, then I have apologize to you for having wasted your time reading my bullshit every time I see you. I guess you'll know if I do this. I know other people that do this with their blog. Perhaps they could give me tips on how to set up/run this efficiently.
My posts are becoming less and less frequent. It's not that I am abandoning this project. It was a combination of me having continuous sex and not-continuous internet. One of those things has changed. I bought a router.
Earlier this fall, I was writing comedy pieces. I will never perform them. For one, I can't deliver them. I stop and do "um"s and "err"s. Secondly, I told a joke that I was sure was funny to Syrup Turnip and she didn't bat an eye. Immediately started talking about something else. I wasn't hurt. I just knew right then and there that it wasn't my thing. It was about sports, on television. Maybe the wrong crowd to pitch the idea? Whatever.
I can't recall telling you guys to listen to something for a while. Here's a band that is broke up and never released a record. In fact, this may be the only recording of their music in existence.
The Haters - Wrapped
Being a gentleman is understanding when "no" is the answer, accepting it, then moving on to other things.
I didn't embarass myself again... yet This marks my 100th post. I have been eying the "99" on the dashboard for quite some time. I kept holding off. The 100th post has to be something great. Like the 100th episode special on WKRP in Cincinnati. Bigger than Loni Anderson's hair. I almost posted a very terrible entry about "ol' Red Beard". He has been a nuisance for me for some time now. If you don't know who I am talking about, it's no odds. I'm not wasting my time explaining him to you. I'm also not going to waste my (and your) time tearing him up in my blog. He needs to deal with some issues. He makes me feel uncharacteristic.
I promised that I would show SNL clips. I found the ones I want to show but i need to edit them out of the whole episode and make them into snack-sized doses. It's hard to find SNL clips on Youtube. Instead of finding Will Ferrell, you find this. I think she looks kinda like Anne-Marie Bourgeois.
The posts should be coming fast and furious. This week was eventful.
I went on the road this week. Fortune. The place.
You go to Fortune if you want to go to St. Pierre. I wouldn't necessarily recommend spending any time in either of those places. The only upside to Fortune is that it is a great place to get cheap St. Pierre liquor. Obtaining a crock of Gin was one of my two objectives on this trip. The other being getting the fuck out of there in a timely manner. While I didn't get any liquor, I did get salt fish splits. I don't like 'em but the old man lost his shit when he found out that I got him some.
Since 2004, I have been waiting for In Flight Safety to return to St. John's to perform a show. This past Friday, they played at the Ship. I had tickets well in advance. After a well-timed series of events, I watched them take the stage at around 1:30. They played a short set.... Probably the shortest set out of the the three acts that took the stage. They played three songs that weren't on their new album. Although I enjoyed hearing new IFS, I would have liked to hear a song off their first record. I discovered the band through that album. It would have been nice to hear at least one song off that E.P. And, as if to rub it in my face, they get up to do an encore and do two cover songs. One of them being "99 Luftbaloons" I was ready to leave at that point. I wasn't going to go to the second show. I wanted to go to the second show after the first show because the first show was so disappointing and I didn't want to have that taste left in my mouth. I have since convinced myself that the second show would probably be the same. Shame on the works of ya...
Parents: I am sick of you going into music stores and exclaiming to the clerk that your kid can play guitar hero on expert and therefore needs a real guitar because they have "natural talent". Your kid is good at video games, not music. Anyone who thinks shredding the solo to "welcome to the jungle" is same as hitting plastic coloured buttons should be kicked in the nuts. I'm not against these games. I'm against the parents who are too stupid or out of touch to know the difference.
The drums work though. Since I started playing drums on Rockband, my skills on an actual drum kit have drastically improved, especially in regard to the kick drum.
I always wondered if the musicians who have music in these games play their own songs in the game. I found this.... goes to show how much the parents know....
I had teeth ripped out of my head again today. I bled profusely at one point. Blood pours from my upper orifices quite frequently. I had it under control. I understand how blood clots work.
Ediie Winslow is a bigger loser than Steve Urkel. At least Urkel was smart and invented cool and/or funny things. Ediie had a big head and hung around with Steve Urkel. And Waldo Faldo. Guilty by association.
Somebody finally wore stockings for me.
I created a facebook account for the vest. We called it Dolly. Thank you Rachel. We really miss you when you aren't around because you have to be one of the most fun people I have ever met. You and Sarah Turpin are made for one another.
When did Saturday Night Live start doing reruns live? Michael Phelps was in a sketch the ther week that was exactly like a sketch Peyton Manning was in last year. Who lets Lorne Micheals get away with this? Are the writers on the show that bad that they have to redo sketches. Is this their way of making recurring characters. I can not think of any noteworthy ones as of late. History is repeating itself.
I like this song. The breakdown is epic. The video is shitty.
Sometimes you know someone, then they say something that changes everything you everr thought about them. This happened 3 times in the past week. I'm not going into details. 2 of them know what I am talking about. One of them is so self-centered that they have no idea that what they said was probably the most hurtful, offensive thing I have ever heard them say. Our friendship is in serious jeopardy because of it. What a waste of 7 years. Lol
Saturday night live isn't funny anymore. Last week, They did a sketch will Michael Phelps that was EXACTLY the same as a sketch they did with Peyton Manning a year or two ago. It was a live re-run. Shame on Lorne Michaels for allowing that to be aired. I blame NBC for the decline in Saturday Night Live. In 1999, they changed the way there do contracts for SNL players and writers. Long term deals, commitments to movies, commitments to NBC sitcoms. A lot of good comedians get turned off by these demands and opt not to sign with this once comedic mecca. NBC is trying to cash in on the next Adam Sandler and Mike Myers. The problem is, the next Adam Sandler and Mike Myers isn't going to sign a shitty contract like that. All you get is unfunny people like Andy Samburg, Seth Myers (SNL's head writer btw), and Amy Poehler.
Norm MacDonald was funny on the show. Wasn't much of a character actor though. I have a feeling NBC kept him on a short leash as well. Here is a classic appearance by him on Conan O'Brien from 1997: Part 1
Andy Samburg isn't funny. I feel bad for Tom Hanks in this sketch. If it was anyone else there, it would have sucked horribly.
Did anyone go to Salmon Fest? Am I and all my friends too old for that racket or was it just too shitty for any of my peers to attend. Blue Rodeo would have been nice to see but not @ salmon fest. I wanna hear fuckin' rock @ that venue.
I considered deleting the post entitled "lemon post". I was quite bitter at that time for all the wrong reasons. I eventually decided to leave it there. I don't want to forget my experiences in the past 2 months because I'll probably be in a similar situation later in my life and leaving it there will provide perspective. My memory sucks so bad.
Things are looking up. I have met some really interesting people recently and thoughts of them have been taking over my consciousness instead of the bullshit that has been driving me nuts for the past while. It's the first time I have been happy in so long and feels so good.
I hope to one day be able to date women. It seems that I was doing it wrong before. Apparently being nice and a gentleman isn't the way to go. It seems women like drunk, abnoxious, annoying, broke assholes. I think I am at the pinnacle of my bitterness.... and I hate every minute of it
So I was talking to someone the other day and they were kind of surprised that I didn't have a back-up. What I mean by that is an agreement with a person where if neither was married by a certain age that they would marry each other. I think that is the most insensitive thing ever. It's like saying "I don't like you enough to be your mate now, but if I live to be 30 or 35 or whatever and I am still single, I'll settle for you. I shouldn't be writing about things like this. I am far too much of a bitter person right now to weigh these things out carefully.
My blog is still a proverbial fetus and I have already offended someone. I expected it to come from the post where I discussed people with Down Syndrome and the roles they play on TV. Turns out it was the one about the nurses. What can I say. I offend people in the strangest ways possible.
Fuck Bluetooth headsets. I was at Jungle Jim's tonight and the guy in the booth behind he had one on his head... In the fucking restaurant. Anyways, Johnny Bluetooth gets a call. He initially ignores the annoying ringtone for a few moments before finally submitting to its shitty melody. He then starts talking into his headset VERY loudly. Hey buddy, if your headset is that shitty that you have to speak as loud as you did in order for the jerk on the other end (purely assumption btw) to hear you, throw the fucking thing away. Why are you using a hands-free thingie in a restaurant anyways? Are you afraid you'll lose control of the booth and crash into the sea of balls in the back? Sir, go to fuck. I hope that thing gives you an electric shock next time it rings.
The Haters were a great band. I suppose you could call them a Newfoundland Supergroup. This is the only recording (as far as I know of) they have. I really like the song, especially the end. We opened for them at that particular show. I think it was the most money we made for one performance. Jody Richardson will do that to a show.
