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I set myself up. She warned me.
We are at the hospital and Sarah is getting bloodwork. I can see the doctor doing it. Sarah is looking right at the needle. That grosses me out. I can't look at the needle.Anyways. Later. We are in the waiting room and Sarah says "wanna hear the story about my bloodwork? No you don't. You don't like that kind of thing".
I say I do. I know the difference but I felt like squirming this morning.She starts to tell me the story. I start feeling queezy. Then, a woman in the waiting room starts urging and barfing. I missed work for this, and I think I made the right decision.
When getting a battery of tests to see which STIs you got or don't got, they do a test for chlamydia. Apparently, there are two ways to do the test. The old way, and the new way. The new way don't hurt. The doctor I saw the other day don't know that way. He didn't know much. He didn't know where the tests were and spent the better part of 15 minutes scouring the clinic to find them. He ended up calling his doctor-buddy who let him in on the stash.
I get up on the table and remove clothing. This is the first time I have ever had to show my genitals to someone whom I didn't know their first name. Then he says something like "Yes by', shaves yer balls do you ya?" then jabs the stick where the pee comes out.
It hurt. Ya knows it did. Buddy said it would hurt. He talked like he was going to cut it off. It wasn't that bad. I made a little whimper and then it was done.
I hops up and says "Sure that wasn't bad at all!" He looked at me like he didn't believe me. He was trying to see that shimmer of pain that would be in my eyes if I was trying to be macho about it. I guess he psyched me out.
I felt like saying "I once smashed my finger in the end of a piece of pipe and continued to work without looking at it for 15 minutes" but that's sprinkler talk. I feel really embarrassed when I talk like that.
It kept hurting though. all the way to Dairy Queen. I said "Fuck this minor pain, I'm getting a sundae" and I did. And my bird stopped hurting. And everything felt right in the world. Until I got home. Syrup Turnip wasn't there. She was around the bay. I'm sure she would have said something clever that would have degraded me in some way. What a sweetheart.
My birthday is on Saturday. I am having a get-together on friday. Facefuck me for the details. It will be the last day of me being 27. I really thought I was going to die this year.
I had teeth ripped out of my head again today. I bled profusely at one point. Blood pours from my upper orifices quite frequently. I had it under control. I understand how blood clots work.
Ediie Winslow is a bigger loser than Steve Urkel. At least Urkel was smart and invented cool and/or funny things. Ediie had a big head and hung around with Steve Urkel. And Waldo Faldo. Guilty by association.
Somebody finally wore stockings for me.
I created a facebook account for the vest. We called it Dolly. Thank you Rachel. We really miss you when you aren't around because you have to be one of the most fun people I have ever met. You and Sarah Turpin are made for one another.
When did Saturday Night Live start doing reruns live? Michael Phelps was in a sketch the ther week that was exactly like a sketch Peyton Manning was in last year. Who lets Lorne Micheals get away with this? Are the writers on the show that bad that they have to redo sketches. Is this their way of making recurring characters. I can not think of any noteworthy ones as of late. History is repeating itself.
I like this song. The breakdown is epic. The video is shitty.
